Apparently over 5 million of New Yorkers are single, on the ratio of 53% female and 47% male. Phew! So, if you didn't get struck by Cupid's arrow, instead of going to watch "Fifty Shades of Grey" on your own on this Valentine's Day, I created a list of things for y'all fabulous singletons to do in solidarity. Whether you're looking for a crazy dance party for you and your single pals, an anti-Valentine's movie marathon, a comedy show to beat the down-on-love blues, or the chance to have a one-night stand on the quick, we understand how important it is to avoid vomit-inducing couples at any cost. If you can't join 'em, beat 'em...isn't that the expression?

Black Hearts Singles Party Latitude Bar & Grill will host a Black Hearts Party for Singles, which will feature life-size voodoo dolls. Sweetheart candies with sayings like "it's not you, it's me" and prizes for the best breakup story. There will be 13 craft beers as well some specialty cocktails for $5, including Cupid’s Broken Arrow Champagne. Cocktail.

Unloveable: a Smiths & Morrissey Valentines Day at The Bell House
Want the one you can’t have? Sing along to depressing songs with NYC’s leading Smiths tribute band, the Sons and Heirs.

NBA All-Star Saturday Night at Barclays Center
What exactly do a three-point shootout and slam-dunk contest have to do with love? Well, we’d like to think you strive to fly higher and be your best self in the name of your beloved…but if that’s too much of a stretch, I mean, come on—slam dunks are awesome.

What I Did for Love at UCBeast
Improvisational comedians turn an audience member’s love life into a comedy show. Maybe you think yours doesn’t need the help.

Kim Nalley Sings Songs of Love at Jazz at Lincoln Center
We suppose it's possible you have sincere romantic feelings to celebrate; if so, this esteemed jazz vocalist may be just the entertainer to see on Valentine's Day.

Stay home and watch 32 movies to make you feel great about being single on Valentine's Day. Why go out at all?